Sticky Notes

I am so happy to be back in this congregation - not just sharing Shabbat as I have before, but now as your rabbi. I am so pleased to be part of this community and so honoured with this opportunity to serve here. Thank you for having me.

My first Dvar Torah with you is from the middle of the book of Devarim, Moshe's long, sometimes meandering farewell speech to the Children of Israel, b'nai Israel. I began seeing this book under a completely different lens after listening to Rabbi Sharon Brous' sermon two weeks ago. She talked about her feelings whilst leaving her daughter at university for her first year, and how she related to Moshe's need to tell all the important things in one letter for his children. She had written an eight-page letter to her daughter! Although my kids would never read such a long letter if I were to write one for them, I do relate to the need to make lists, leave sticky notes and all sorts of disconnected instructions to my kids when I travel, when they go back to university, and so many other situations.

This week's parashah (Torah portion), Ki Tetze, is not different from the rest of the book. But I have a special relationship with it. Especially with the part I asked Rabbi Aaron to read for us today. I wrote an essay about the ben sorer umore, and one of "my verses" in Torah is in this section (in my ordination address). This section looks like a patchwork of different subjects: if a man has two wives and his firstborn is not son of his favourite wife, he must accept his status and not make a difference; if a couple has a wayward and defiant son (ben sorer umore), they must seek help and punishment for such child; a corpse of an impaled person must be buried on the same day so that the land will not be defiled; if a fellow Israelite loses something and you find it, you must give it back to them. What connects all these seemingly random situations? A phrase that is of great inspiration for me, "my verse", the last one Rabbi Aaron read to us: "You must not remain indifferent" – "Lo tuchal lehit'alem".

As Rabbi Brous teaches, Moses "faces his children who stand at the threshold of the next chapter as they prepare to enter the land without him. He, too, is excited and apprehensive, grateful and sad. His message—a little bit rambling, a little incoherent—reads like a jumble of scrambled, uneven, contradictory emotions". He leaves sticky notes that may be very difficult to relate to in our days, but should be lessons for eternity, inspirational for his beloved people.

How do I suggest we read these sticky notes that Moshe has left us today? (bring sticky notes)

Don't make differences amongst your children – each child has different characteristics, and your relationship with each one of them will be based on their individualities. Make an effort to see them for who they are and love them exactly because of their uniqueness. Sometimes it may be difficult, and sometimes it may be too easy. The blessing of having children rests exactly in learning from them, in each different phase of their lives.

You are allowed to ask for help – sometimes being a parent becomes too difficult and children bring us challenges that we are not prepared to face alone. This is when, as parents, we look for the elders – meaning specialists like therapists, doctors, educators and others - and ask for their wisdom. Courage and honesty are very important when raising children in this strange world that we live in. Rest assured that, today, nobody will suggest that one stones their child, as the biblical verse requires, but sometimes firm measures are needed.

Death is always painful - even if the person who died is guilty, mean, terrible in your eyes, their death is painful for someone. There may be someone crying their death, and if you cannot respect the person who died, you must think about the others. This means respecting your own Jewish heritage and keeping your own soul, your soil, pure.

Found something? Give it back! - We all know the expression "finders keepers, losers weepers", however, finding something doesn't necessarily make it yours. In fact, as we all know, but it's good that Moshe Rabbeinu reminds us every year, we should do everything to find the rightful owner and give their things back.

All these sticky notes can be summarised in one big lesson: Lo tuchal lehit'alem! You must not remain indifferent.

Your kids are too different from one another? If you don't have kids, this is also true for family members, friends' kids, students… Make the effort to really see them and get close to each one of them. "Lo tuchal lehit'alem"

You have a difficult problem, your kid is going through a tough phase, your boss is too harsh? Look for help – you must not remain indifferent.

Someone bad has died, your enemy is suffering, someone you don't like is in distress? Be better, recognise their pain - "Lo tuchal lehit'alem"

You found something, you see something wrong, you know of something that needs action – Act now! You must not remain indifferent!

It is not easy, it is not as obvious as it should be. But if a kind parental reminder wasn't necessary at all, Ki Tetze and the whole book of Devarim would just be a boring repetition of things that we already knew. Moshe is doing what every good parent does when a big moment of change is in front of their child. He is reminding us that we can be better, and he believes that we will be better. We only need his loving advice, his sticky notes.

"Lo tuchal lehit'alem" - I can promise you that I won't remain indifferent. I will work with all my heart and soul to continue building this community with my amazing colleagues and friends, Rabbi Aaron and Rabbi Lea, with my co-workers, and especially with you. Along my way, I will certainly offer you some of my loving sticky notes.

Thank you again for calling me Rabbi and asking me to share your Jewish lives with me. It is a sacred opportunity that I will always cherish.

Shabbat Shalom.